"What Cheating is to Me, May Not be Cheating to You"

Picture this...

Lying on your side in bed after intercourse, your hand rest on your forehead. While starring at your man as he smokes a cigarette you think to yourself "Damn, he's the best. Almost perfect! What more can I ask for?"

Yet, you know come tomorrow night you'll go back to living your double life; with a another man in a another bed. And, though you know your body belongs to only him, something about the double life that you live doesn't sit well within.

Cheating!! Where do I begin?

Let me start by defining Cheating as per www.thefreedictionary.com and for the purpose of this Blog I will focus on the following definitions:

a) To mislead; illusions that cheat the eye.
b) To act dishonestly; practice fraud.
c) Informal To be sexually unfaithful: cheat on a spouse.

Now, according to me, DkSknPosterGrl, cheating is when an individual who is already in a relationship has sexual intercourse and/or participates in sexually activities with someone other than their spouse/partner/significant other.

But, that is the most obvious definition for many. Cheating is way deeper than what meets the eye.

For example, If I'm in a relationship and I still go out on dates with other guys; is that cheating? What about if I spend leisure time with other guys; is that cheating? Or, if I put another mans feelings before the man that I'm in a relationship with; is that cheating?

Well, What's Cheating to Me; May not be Cheating to you. But I definitely feel that all of the above, plus way more scandalous things that both men and women do are considered cheating. And, I am sure that many of us are very guilty of committing these relationship offenses.

Cheating is more than sexual or physical. It can be emotional and verbal. You can even cheat with time. When you are spending time with another person, innocent or not; If your spouse, significant other or partner doesn't know then it's cheating. Otherwise, why don't they know??? Even deeper, if you are spending a lot of time at work and when you acutally do have time to spend with your significant other, if it isn't quality time, then it is the same as cheating. You are cheating them and yourself of time.

In this life we have only a matter of time and time is definitely not something that should be fooled around with.

NOW, I GOTTA KEEP IT REAL!!! Otherwise, I wouldn't be myself. I have cheated in many ways. Yet, I do my best not to cheat sexually. If I feel that if I have a sexual interest in another that is much stronger than the individual that I am with, then it is time for me to re-evaluate my relationship. In addition, I have cheated with time and I have learned many lessons in regards to that matter.

Overall, cheating is something that both individuals in a relationship have to agree upon. So, in all actuality I can't break down what cheating is or isn't. That is something that you must sit down and do with your significant other.

Until Next Time,

XOXO
Poster Girl

She says "He's Just a Friend"

What's going on? Once Again, It's DkSknPosterGrl, welcoming you into my world... I don't want to waste any time.

So, How many of you Guys out there have been with a chick that has that dude that she always hangs around; and when you ask her what's up, she says" Chill Baby, He's Just a Friend?" I'm sure there are quite a few of you out there.

And for my Ladies, Be Honest....How many of you Have "A Man" and still spend time with another dude; and when your Man ask you What's up, you say "Chill Baby, He's Just a Friend?" A Whole lot of you...I know.

So, I want to get down to the bottom of this by telling an experience of mine along with my opinions on the topic. Now, I can't get down to the nitty gritty by myself. So, PLEASE leave Comments, Opinions or even your own experiences to elaborate on. Now, anyone who really knows me, knows that ya girl has serious commitment issues. There have been only a few people in my life that I have been totally committed to. And, when I say committed I mean I didn't sexually cheat on them. And, when I say I didn't cheat on them; by that I mean I chose to be in a relationship with them and when I choose to be in a relationship I am ultimately choosing to be with that person exclusively, sexually. Otherwise, I rather be single and "Do Me."

Now, I'm not trying to play Miss Goodie Two-Shoe cause that just isn't me. I have cheated in other ways that I will discuss in Blog #3 "What's Cheating to You, May Not Be Cheating to Me" where I'll will discuss how ambiguous the word cheating actually is.

Once upon a time, a long time, or as Bernie Mac would say "A Long....long, long (smiling) long, long, long, looong time ago." I had a boyfriend and while I had this boyfriend I befriended another male that I ended up spending a whole lot of time with. We talked about everything, did everything & went everywhere together.

Was I attracted to him? Absolutely!!! He was handsome, very handsome and very attractive. He was tall, had gorgeous eyes, full smooth lips, and was intelligent. He gave me good advice and was all around a good friend.

Was he attracted to me? Oh, but of course!!! I mean, it just was what it was. But, I had a Man and he had a Shortie. Now, even though a Shortie isn't the same as a Girlfriend I respected it as if it were. Why was I rendevous-ing with another man???? For, the obvious reason. Things weren't going great in my relationship. I brought the issues up to my Man, but he just didn't get it and didn't really know how to resolve the problems. I didn't want to be without him, yet I needed someone else to balance out the negative energy.

When I hung around My Friend it was like being on Vacation. Then when I would spend time with my Man, it was like working a 9-5. But, you need your 9-5 to survive. You can't be on vacation all time. And, while I chose to spend time with My Friend, we came to an understading that even though we liked each other we were going to respect the fact that we both had people in our lives that we cared about. Was it like Playing with Fire?? Absolutely. At any given moment we could have said "Fck it! Let's Do Us!" But we didn't.

So, I conclude with this... Can a girl had a dude that is just her friend while being in a commited relationship?? My answer to this is Yes, if... 1) She is totally not attracted to him. 2) If she is turned off by him. 3) If she is true her relationship. 4) If she just knows that he ain't gonna get none, and will not allow anything to influence that. Then, I totally believe that a woman can have a male that she is friends with while in a committed relationship with another male. Will he be Just a Friend?? That is totally up to her, but I don't feel that it is impossible. What do you think? What are your experiences? Leave Comments, Opinions, & Experiences. Also, if there's a topic that you want to discuss email me at DkSknPosterGrl@aim.com

Love,
Poster Girl